Mother’s Day is coming up, the day most looked forward to and most dreaded by the majority of moms. We look forward to this day because of certain things that take place, like hand made cards from the kids, breakfast in bed or heaven help us…a nap. But we also dread this day because of unmet expectations.
I remember very early on in my career as a mom (might have been my first Mother’s Day!) my husband and I had a pretty hefty sized argument over what Mother’s Day was supposed to look like. Basically, we both were in the wrong, but I was definitely more to blame because I didn’t express my expectations to him. How was he supposed to know I wanted to sleep in if I didn’t tell him that? How was he supposed to know I wanted a Starbucks coffee and maple donuts for breakfast if I didn’t ask? He messed up that Mother’s Day. I messed up that Mother’s Day. This will be my 14th Mother’s Day celebration and now I specifically tell him what I want. This is how we all remain happy and satisfied with the day.
So the point of this article is threefold. First…to encourage mothers to actually talk to their husbands and express exactly how they want the day to go. I promise you moms, you telling your man what you want is exactly how you are going to get the day that you want. He cannot read your mind and unless he isn’t human, he hasn’t been making a list of all the things you’ve mentioned over the past year that you would like to do. He doesn’t understand how valuable a nap is where the kids aren’t knocking on the door. He doesn’t know you don’t want to do any chores that day. He doesn’t know. So tell him! Both he and you will be so much better for it.
My second point to this article is for the Dads. Here you go, listen carefully, if your wife tells you something that she wants for this Mother’s Day, do it. Buy it. Find it. Make it happen. Make her feel like you heard her and went out of your way to make her Mother’s Day dreams come true.
My third point and absolutely the most important is…
If Mother’s Day is a big deal for your family, then you are doing it wrong. This should not have been the first time she’s slept past 7 am in a year. You showing up at her bedside with breakfast, her favorite coffee, or not showing up for another three hours should not be a brand new experience. She should already feel so taken care of, so rested and loved, that Mother’s Day feels like another normal day except that the kids are now involved in pampering mom. If this is one of the rare times you cook dinner, or do the dishes, then something is wrong. If this is one of the rare times that she feels appreciated, then you have failed at your job as a husband. By way of honoring and appreciating, Mother’s Day should feel no different than a normal day to your wife.
This article stirred up in me when I realized, some moms are so looking forward to this Sunday because then they can finally feel like they are getting what they deserve. They finally feel like they are justified in asking for a rest. Like 364 days of the year they have to keep trudging and serving, but finally this Sunday they will be honored, taken care of and be deeply loved.
There is a video going around of a mom, who is telling her husband exactly what she wants for Mother’s Day, and I love that! But the things she is telling him are just common sense things that she should already have been receiving, like rest times when the kids aren’t knocking on her door, or her husband doing the dishes with a smile on his face. These aren’t big things, these are normal things. Mother’s Day isn’t a day for normal things, and if these normal things are big things in your home…then you’ve got the holiday all wrong.
I am immensely blessed with a husband who is truly my best friend. He is also the best dad I have ever laid eyes on. Mother’s Day to me is a day I can peer into my children’s hearts and see their utter joy as I open the gifts they chose for me (but that I instructed daddy to get!) The hugs will be a little tighter and no one can say no to a snuggle that day either! I get to experience their excitement as they dote over me. Mother’s Day to me is for my children. I am appreciated, loved, cared for and (mostly) rested every single day and it’s all thanks to my husband who isn’t just a co-parent (I hate that expression, co-parent.) He’s 100% a dad, he’s 100% a husband, I am 100% a mom, 100% a wife. We don’t co-anything, we are both in this together, not just partners, we are husband and wife first.
And then, on Sunday morning, as I’m woken up by my three amazing children, I’ll look with the same love into my husband’s gorgeous blue-green eyes. But I won’t see anything different, because in this house, Mother’s Day is like any other day. Mother’s Day just…is.